My husband and I have been walking up “early” (for us, anyway) to walk for exercise most days of the week.  We’ve walked 5-7 days a week for about two months now, with our daily mileage up to 2.5 miles – and Robert has done 5 miles on the weekend.  This is an amazing new habit for us!  We’ve each gone in and out of exercise routines before, but this one is doing a good job of sticking – and, it has the added benefit that we’re doing it together.  Conventional wisdom says that 21 days makes a new habit; I just read an article by Dr. Oz that says 6 months is more like it, and I tend to agree.  I don’t mind looking ahead to say that we are 1/3 of the way towards making this a REALLY solid habit.  We’re even premeditating how we’re going to handle the upcoming cold and wet, so that we don’t let that become an excuse to skip any days this Fall and Winter.

Today I slept late (as is my former habit) so I missed the walk with Robert. But, I woke up early enough before my first appointment that I could still make it happen, and so I did.  Every good decision like this is a major accomplishment in my book!  Especially since I’ve been struggling with stress and other challenging emotions lately, which, I admit, I’ve used as an excuse to skip a few days last week.  I’m proud and grateful to be back on it this week.

I love to walk with my dog Buddy so I hatched a plan to take him through a hilly neighborhood near our house; this is my favorite alternative to the Middle School track we use every morning.  Laps can get so boring for me.  I’m doing much better managing my boredom this time around – and having the walking buddy (Robert, not the dog) surely helps – but I do like a little change in scenery every once in a while.  Needless to say, once Buddy realizes he’s invited on a walk, his day is made and he can barely contain his excitement long enough to get the leash on.

I decided to bring out an old tool we hadn’t used for a while – the choke collar.  If you have a bigger dog, you may be experienced with this gadget.  It’s a leash made out of metal links reminiscent of a chain-link fence, with serious metal spikes poking out of every one.  This wraps around the dog’s neck in a slip-knot fashion, with the spikes facing the skin – but, assuming you are a responsible dog owner, the collar is loose enough that the spikes don’t dig in unless you pull on the leash.

I imagine this collar could be controversial in some circles, but I’ve seen it advocated by every trainer of medium-to-big dogs that I’ve encountered.  It is certainly not for small, delicate dogs, which I almost learned the hard way.  Shortly after I got Buddy and was trained in how to manage him (a Border Collie/Chow mix, about 2x bigger that my previous Corgi), I was bragging to a friend about my Dog Whispering skills.  As proof of the pudding (and, who are we kidding, my superiority as a dog owner), I offered to help her family tame their unruly Pug, appropriately named Duchess.

Of course, my new favorite tool, and the one I planned to apply in my dominance of Duchess, was a choke chain.  Lucky for me – and surely no coincidence – I couldn’t find one small enough.  Good thing, because I later learned that choke chains are verboten on little dogs, as they can crush their little necks. Stands to reason.  (Postscript on Duchess:  there is no taming Duchess!  Being the trainer or an effective master of a small dog is surely a high-skill occupation.  Their Napoleon complex is worth its weight in…well… weight!)

Back to the story of today’s dog walk.  My routine when taking Buddy on a long walk is that he gets to have relatively free reign during the part of the neighborhood that is his daily walk route – because I know he has pee-mail to read, and other important things to sniff, in order to keep up with the news in his world and make sure his fellow citizens know he’s still in the game.  But once we’re past those blocks, we are On Patrol.  This is when the leash shortens and he is supposed to heel.  I use the term “heel” loosely, because we’re not very official about it – but basically, he’s supposed to stay close to me, neither pulling away towards the curb, nor walking in front of me.  We have relatively good success with this and he usually earns lots of praise for being a good dog.

But of course, if Buddy gets a whiff of something tempting, he pulls away from me and towards the temptation.  This is where the choke collar comes in.  Ideally, no correction is required by me – rather, his collar will automatically tighten as he pulls away, and the spikes will start doing their job of digging in to his neck to get his attention.  In theory, the slightest nudge by the spikes is enough to make his doggie brain wake up and think, “Oops, wait, I’m not supposed to be doing this!”  And then, depending on how stubborn and/or pain tolerant he wants to be in that moment, he will eventually change his mind and move back towards me to make the “pain” cease.

Now that I’ve described it, I’m sure I don’t have to beat you over the head with the metaphor. The idea that popped into my head was,  ”What’s MY choke chain?  The thing that will remind me, ‘Hey, stop that!’ when I’m distracted by something shiny (or yummy)?”

Now that I think about it, I’ve heard an idea for this, maybe from Weight Watchers or some other dieting resource – the ol’ rubber band around the wrist idea – to snap ourselves to attention in times of temptation.  But who’s to say that when faced with a donut, I’m going to have the willpower to stop and snap the band, to remind myself that I’m supposed to  have willpower?

I’m not really offering an answer here – and I wish there were a difference answer than this – but it seems like, ultimately, our “choke collar” has to be our own willpower, self-discipline, and/or habit.  Sadly, I can’t think of anything physical I can “put on” that will serve the purpose of the choke collar, without me having to be the one to activate it.  Maybe such a gadget would be the worlds greatest invention!  (Shark Tank, here I come!)

But I can imagine that, after some length of time spent practicing a good habit over and over again – be it taking that walk, refusing that donut, saying no to animal products and yes to healthier alternatives – that the “choke chain” reaction becomes instinctive,  because we’ve trained ourselves to take the preferred action over the non-preferred one.

I love self-development.  I hate self-discipline.  I hate to admit that I won’t be able to enjoy the first without having to acknowledge the reality of the second…not mention having to actually practice and cultivate it.  Oh, the dog’s life.  Sometimes it sounds like it might be nice to be on the other end of that leash, doesn’t it.

Your turn:  What’s your “choke chain”?  Are you naturally gifted with good self-discipline?  Have you developed one or more habits that serves this purpose?  Or do you want to go in with me to develop the world’s next and greatest invention?  

My doctor tried to comfort me by saying “its genetic – you’ll always need to be on medications.”  But this bothers me on several levels.

First of all, I find it hard to believe that the human body – a creation so miraculous that even modern science struggles to understand it, much less mimic very many of its amazing functions – cannot operate optimally in the absence of support from modern medicine.  I come from too long a tradition of nature-based health and healing to accept that tenet.  And, I’m too suspicious of a consumer to believe that modern medicine is the  for maintaining good health – there’s too much data to show that it is barely effective on a good day, and downright harmful in some of the worst cases.

Secondly, from what I’ve been reading out plant-based diets, animal products are the only direct source of cholesterol – and once they’re eliminated from one’s diet, you’ve eliminated the base materials from which the body can create its own.  Apparently I’ve got that wrong or need more information (oh, great, another item for the to-do list)…

Thirdly, and more personally, no one has ever said that to me before.   It is true that my problems with cholesterol started way too young – very soon after college.  But, the story has always been that it’s my fault for not eating right and not exercising.  This now feels like a bit of a “blame the victim” conundrum.  Has this always been a genetic problem, one that I could never have resolved on my own?  Wouldn’t that information have been useful all those years ago – to help me be more comfortable about starting medications back then (which I resisted because of my youth and the messages that I could make my own improvements through lifestyle changes)?  Or, have I taken what used to be a perfectly effective body, and “ruined” it through 45 years of poor self-care, to the point that it NO LONGER can fight this problem on its own?  Sadly, neither option makes me feel very good.

Where these two thoughts come together is this:  Healthy food and self-care habits are the best way to manage chronic health problems.  For those of us blessed to be living in this day and age, modern medicine is an amazing tool to have at our disposal when we need to solve health crises.   And my situation right now is best described by that sliver of space where the two circles in a Venn Diagram overlap.  I’m living with a chronic health issue that is facing an immediate crisis.

The resulting fact is, all I can do is take action based on today.  I need to change my paradigm – to accept the realities of my body as it is today, and make a plan for us both (body and spirit) to start where we are and go from there.   Where we are is that I am not, at this time, capable of managing my blood sugar and cholesterol problems through diet and exercise alone.  I have given it probably the best try of my life over the past three months; yet, simply, sadly, it is not working.   I would like to hold out hope that my body can restore itself to the ideal condition, but that is to be determined sometime in the future.

So here’s my new plan.  Interestingly, some of it is very similar to the old plan (pre-vegan).  But the addition of the vegan approach makes it a better plan – so that is something to celebrate:

• Get those darn prescriptions filled.  Drat.  “Just do it.”  (On the positive side, most of them are free thanks to Publix diabetes program!)
• Improve my performance in the area of “take medications as directed.”
  
• Go back to my pre-vegan schedule of quarterly checkups.  No more watching blood test data every few weeks.  I’m going to give my body time to find that equilibrium, give my brain time to keep working some good habits, and give my spirit a bit of piece from the stress I’ve been placing on myself in this area.
• Keep up the vegan diet.  Focus on continuously improving my skills in the kitchen and reducing my use of packaged food, sugar and oil.  I’m proud to say that at no time since June 2 have I considered giving up this way of eating.  The idea of quitting has never crossed my mind, despite challenges and disappointing test results.  There’s too much about it that’s right for me, for animals, for the earth, and for society.
• Keep up the 5-7 day AM walking routine.  This one is a bit harder to be enthusiastic about when I wake up in the morning – but, wake up I do, and I always feel better for it.   Up next:  premeditate how we’ll handle changes in the weather as we move into Fall and Winter, so that we don’t let any excuses or challenges reverse our course on this.
• “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”   A friend recently dropped this  great line from Finding Nemo, originally spoken by Ellen DeGeneres as Dory, into conversation.  I love it!  Now they’re my words to live by, too!  And an appropriate motto for the next stage of my plant-based journey to better health.

As you may have seen on Twitter or Facebook, yesterday I went to see my Doctor after three months as on a plant-based vegan diet. I don’t claim that I’ve been perfect on the diet, but I’ve done darn well! Especially when it comes to meat, fish, cheese and eggs – no servings of those have knowingly passed my lips. I’ve done a little less well in my consumption of sugar, oil and packaged foods – but I still think I’ve reduced these by about 75%. And I’m not above having a little cream in my coffee or butter on my bread, usually at a conference or similar hotel-like setting (so sue me).

This visit is the first time I’ve seen my Doctor in person in at least 3 months. At my last visit, I met with his Nurse Practitioner instead. And although I’ve been getting my blood tested rigorously during the last three months (every two weeks for the first six weeks, now monthly), those visits have been only with his nursing staff. Which has been fun because now they all know me by sight and/or name, and they ask about my vegan adventure, and I ask about office gossip.

I love my Doctor. He’s wonderful about spending all the time with me that I need, and usually I come with a big list of questions and concerns to discuss with him. He’s very encouraging when I’m doing well, and good about balancing the carrot and the stick when I fall off track. He’s been a valuable resource for about five years of my health journey, and he’s supported me through ups and downs (on the scale and otherwise) during that time.

My hopes were up for a great visit. Specifically, I hoped to hear that my health indicators had been marginal these last three months simply because my body was struggling to return to equilibrium after all the big changes I’d thrown to it at once: eliminating of animal products, adding near-daily exercise – and, going rogue on the medications I’d long been taking to manage my blood sugar, cholesterol, and more recently, blood pressure.

Stupid, I know. The first two things I changed were GREAT – good on me! That last thing, not so much. Patients are strongly recommended NOT to change (much less abandon) their regimen without consulting the doctor. I knew better, but I did it anyway. I fully expected to be upbraided for this action.

And I was!  Kind of. “You’re not supposed to make that decision without me!” Surprisingly, that was about the extent of it. He knows I know better. He knows I’m a bit stubborn. I guess he felt that much more discussion wouldn’t be warranted, nor would it make much difference.

Even so, it didn’t take long for the other shoe to drop. “You need to go back on these medications. You just have to.”

My head dropped forward, my shoulders slumped. I buried my face in my hands. A big sigh of disappointment – so audible that the doctor assumed I was about to say or ask something. But I kept silent, since I was busy scrunching and concentrating and trying really hard to avoid what was coming next. Soon, though, the first tears slipped out.

Pretty soon I was blatantly bawling. I shuffled off the exam table and over to the sink, grabbed a paper towel, and started blowing my nose excessively (a regular feature of my best crying jags) on the way back to my seat.

I’m just so disappointed! I couldn’t hide it then, and I won’t hide it from you, my friends and readers.

The whole purpose of starting my vegan journey was to improve my health. In my opinion, those medications were as much a part of my “bad health” as they were contributing to my good health. My mama (well, my Grammy, really) brought me up to have a very healthy suspicion of the medical establishment, based on significant evidence that the side effects of their “cures” have the potential to be worse than the illness. This is so rarely disputed, anymore, that even the pharmacy companies admit it out loud on TV, even as they’re trying to convince us to try their miracle drugs: “Stomach upset, constipation, skin rash may occur. Blindness is rare, but can be permanent. Asshole may heal.”

Still. Even as a layperson, I have to agree that data from my three-month experiment does not paint the picture of the good health I’ve been hoping to achieve.

On the plus side, my A1c score (indicating average level of blood sugar over the last three months) has gone down, from 9 to 7.5. (People without diabetes have scores of 6 or less, without pre-diabetes have 4 or less.) Similarly, my total cholesterol level has gone down a bit, from 290 to 263.

The problem is, some of the sub-readings within those categories have moved relatively wildly in the wrong direction. Glucose has increased from 139 to 148. Prick-and-stick blood sugar readings (the kind I should be doing each day at home) have increased from 159 to 256. My cholesterol ratio of good-to-bad kinds has risen from 7.7 to 9.9. And these three kickers: My HDL “good” cholesterol has gone DOWN (from 35 to 29) when it should be going UP. My LDL “bad” cholesterol did not even register on any of my three most recent blood tests. Why? Because my triglycerides have risen so fast and so high that (a) I don’t even want to admit the number in public, and (b) it makes it impossible to even calculate the LDL value. But I’m pretty sure that means the LDL number, well, sucks.

Those numbers more than justify a little crying in the doctor’s office. I’m not above it. And, one of the medications I’d ditched three months ago was my antidepressant.  So, cry.  That’s what I did.

(To be continued)

First order of business: an apology, and a lesson learned.  I’ve got to stop “promising” what I’m going to write about and when…because it never fails to cause writers’ block on the promised topic.  After writing about my first set of blood-tests on Saturday, I promised to write about the second set on Sunday.  For some reason, I just can’t get excited enough to do so – even though the numbers, and thus the story, give cause for a bit of optimism.  Well, with any luck, writing this post will get me back on the wagon, and maybe I’ll be motivated to write the “overdue” one soon.

So, back to my “dirty little secret.”  Actually, there’s more than one.  Here’s a modest list of “secrets” from my first 40 or so days as a vegan:

• I ate butter on my “side” of bread at Panera Bread Company.
• I drink half-and-half in my coffee when out at Panera or Starbucks.
• I am thinking about buying one of those green canisters of grated Parmigiano cheese to keep in the fridge.  I miss it on spaghetti, soup and popcorn.
• I’ve eaten at a lot of Mexican restaurants over the last month (like I do every month!); each one of these visits included a margarita (as usual!), and I suspect that more than one included something prepared in pork fat or some other non-vegetarian slop.
• I’ve been to the movies a few times and ate my old standbys of popcorn with butter (either real butter or chemical butter, not sure – didn’t bother to find out, because either one is pretty bad), chocolate M&Ms, and Coke.
• Tonight I ate some sliced peaches for desert, and was really jonezing for some whipped cream (again, either dairy or chemical kind) – if I’d had any in the house, I would have gone for it.
• I’ve enjoyed using Hershey’s syrup to turn my almond milk into chocolate milk.
• On our most recent grocery run, we made an executive decision to stick with our favorite brand of Worchestire Sauce, even though we know it contains trace amounts of anchovies.

Oh my!  (Picture young Macaulay Culkin with his hands covering his mouth ala Home Alone!)

So there you have it.  I’ve been talking a great vegan game – but yes, there are some cracks in the seams!  Even worse, these have been INTENTIONAL cheats for the most part!

In fact, I’m spilling these secrets not because I feel I need to confess that I’ve done anything wrong.  Rather, I share these tidbits as insights into what I feel I’m doing right.  It’s little compromises like this that make it possible for me to stick to the vegan eating approach over the long haul.

Sometimes, you just gotta make it work:  for me, being miserable while eating out with my friends is not an okay by-product of making this healthy lifestyle change.

Other times, you just gotta give yourself a break:  if there’s a favorite something I’m really missing, or a familiar ingredient that would make life a little easier, or a little treat I can enjoy once in awhile, and it helps me to stay on track overall – well, I say go for it.

While noodling on this post, it’s come to my attention that quite a few of the vegans whom I admire – both those I know personally (like good old Chuck who started this whole thing for me) and public figures I’ve come to follow on the web – well, many of them describe themselves using terms like “vegan-ish” or “90% vegan.”  Meaning they, too, are making intentional, premeditated compromises in the heat of certain battles (or to avoid battles altogether) in order to maintain their overall commitment to / focus on winning the war.

Overall, I do feel as though I am winning the war.  I especially feel that way relative to my health.  There’s just no way that the little cheats and treats I’ve described above can come NEAR to the amount of unhealthful ingredients that I was eating before, on a daily basis and in large quantities:  meats, dairy, cheese, eggs, oil, sugar, processed foods, fast foods, desserts.

I feel the same way about my weight loss. I’m not losing weight as fast as I’d like (it’s hard to give up on the long-held fairy tale of fast, easy weight-loss), or as fast as some veggie health- and cook-books tell me I could.  But, I really value the knowledge nearly every single thing I put into my mouth now is good for me.  The little bit of oil and sugar that I’m still consuming, as well as my continuing tendency to overeat, are probably the culprits that are slowing down my weight loss.

Overall, the trade-off of feeling satiated (physically complete) and satisfied (emotionally complete) almost 100% of the time is one I’m more than willing to make.  I honestly don’t remember feeling that way on previous diets – or probably even when I was eating everything I wanted and as much of it.

Your turn:  What do you think about my “cheats and treats”?  Do you think they are a slippery slope?  Or are they a valid mechanism for coping in the short term and in the long term?  What “cheats and treats” help you keep going on your own eating program (or in other areas of your life)? 

As you know, I’ve been procrastinating on this post.  The truth is, I was disappointed by my blood-work results.   But, since I promised to myself and to my readers to be transparent, here’s the story behind my first set of blood-tests as a vegan.

I’ve been in the habit of visiting the doctor and getting bloodwork done about every 3 months, ever since being officially diagnosed with diabetes about 5-6 years ago. At the beginning of our vegan journey, I made two decisions that I’m sure would be controversial to both medical professionals and laypersons alike:
1 – I decided to stop taking my medicines on the same day I started eating a whole-foods, plant-based, low-oil/sugar/soy diet.
2 – I decided to get my blood-tests done every 2 weeks in order to get a clear and interesting picture of how my body was responding to its new fuel/medicine.

On the other hand, there were two decisions/actions that I DIDN’T make on the front end that, in hindsight, would have been most helpful.
1 – I didn’t weigh myself on/around Day 1 (much less measure or take photos).
2 – I didn’t get blood-tests done on/around Day 1.
Therefore, the only “baseline” set of data I have available to use as my “before” statistics are the blood-test results from my last visit to the doctor on May 27, 2012.   So, this is where we are starting from:

Let’s start by admitting that these numbers are DISMAL!  Except for a few months of motivation when I was first diagnosed with diabetes and gave Weight Watchers a pretty solid try, I have been very unmotivated about doing anything to change my lifestyle in order to improve my health.  Or, more accurately, I guess you could say I was quite good about doing the things that were super-easy (and had lowest impact on my actual results), but too lazy to make any difficult changes (which of course are the ones that would actually help my situation).  As in:  I was very good about keeping my quarterly doctor appointments and tracking my stats; relatively good about taking my meds; not at all good about taking (much less tracking) my daily blood sugar; and downright rebellious* against exercising for health or changing my food intake in any way.

*This phenomenon is a-whole-nother area for inquiry, as I think it represents a pretty messed up psychology in relation to self-awareness and self-efficacy – and yet, is something that is completely common out there, not at all isolated to my own experience.  And so, I’m already noodling about this as a topic for a future post.  I hope you’ll stay tuned for that and get involved in the conversation.  

One other thing I wanted to note is that I’m not being completely transparent here about my current weight – instead, I’m just listing the number of pounds I am away from my healthiest, sustainable weight (based on triangulation of several info sources, which I can discuss at a later time if readers are interested).  But hey – give me a break!  This has been THE KEY, sensitive issue of my life for 44 years.  Frankly, I only recently crossed the final threshold of intimacy and admitted my weight out loud to my husband – after 6 years of marriage!   (But after only 3 weeks of veganism – interesting, no?!?  Again, perhaps a topic for future post??)  So, dear friends, until I am within shooting’ distance of my goal weight –  and/or feeling super confident about my progress and my ability to reach said goal – I’m going to keep this little tidbit to myself for now

Okay, back to the numbers – here are the results from my first set of blood-tests as a vegan, taken at the 2-week mark:

I’ve indicated what the change from date-to-date was, and whether this was GOOD (progress) or BAD (backslide).  As you can see, there is less GOOD progress than I was hoping for.  Obviously, this was disappointing. But, I tried to focus instead on identifying some plausible explanations.  For one thing, I’m pretty sure that 2 weeks is too short a time in which to see dramatic, measurable results.  (I’m still going to stick to this schedule for a few more cycles, though, just out of curiosity…and maybe stubbornness.)  The biggest factor, though, is probably the change in my medication status.  First of all, it really is not cool to stop medications “cold turkey,” as there can be serious health implications.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up putting my body in the challenging position of having to process both good and bad changes at one time.   (Takeaway:  Do as “they” say, not as I do, please!) Secondly, it may be that the June 15th numbers are really the more accurate baseline against which to measure going forward.  Perhaps they reflect what some of my numbers REALLY are without the assistance provided by the meds (which, although pretty minimal in my mind, do seem to have some effect).

So there you have it – the relatively ugly truth of my first medical status.

BUT the news gets slightly better with my next set of tests!  Please come back tomorrow to read the next chapter!

Your Turn:  Do you know “your numbers”?  Do you have a health issue that requires you to know them?  Would there be value in knowing them, even if you don’t have a specific “reason” to know them?  If you do know them, do they change your behavior and/or your feelings about your health?  How?

Today I tried something new, which I’ve read about in The Engine 2 Diet- the idea of using whatever leftovers are on hand as “filling” for a wrap sandwich.  But, instead of using a tortilla, pita or other grain-based wrap, using leafy greens as the “bread” around the sandwich.

I had some of my Quinoa Nicoise salad left over, but have been eating my way through it for about a week, so part of my motivation was simply to have it in a different “version” in order to feel like I’m getting a bit of variety out of my last bites

From a health perspective, the bigger motivation is, of course, to include a leafy green component into each meal. This is a habit that I’m still working on.  I like the taste of greens, but I don’t yet have a wide repertoire of how to use them.  So, today’s lunch was a good opportunity to try a new technique.

Part of the reason I’m not a better cook is that I’m too quick to improvise without having mastered the basics.  And, as with my crafting and home-keeping activities, I’m often satisfied to “try it my own way” (and am perfectly happy with less-than-perfect results) rather than consult the books and slave over doing everything the right way.  And so it was with today’s “cooking” – the Turkey decided to wing it.

I THINK I remember two things from reading recipes in Rip’s book:  you can use almost any type of greens in almost any application (they’re pretty interchangeable), and you can or should blanch green leaves before using them as a wrap.  Therefore, I cleaned and blanched about 3 Swiss Chard leaves for today’s experiment.

My leaves came out very “floppy” after only a few minutes in the pot, but I dried them out, spread them flat, and rolled them up around my quinoa salad anyway.  Technically, it worked.  Instead of picking up the wrap like a sandwich, I left them on my plate and used my fork to cut up each bite-full.

Here’s a pic of my half-eaten plate.  Yes, I worked my way around the woody, red stems.  (I did due diligence by tasting them, but they weren’t too yummy.)  The other items on there are Three Bean Salad and a juicy peach!

Taste-wise, I’d have to give it about a B.  The leaves didn’t add a very strong flavor, and maybe that is a good thing.  Since I like greens, I enjoyed the little bit of additional flavor they did add, and was still able to enjoy the taste of the original dish within.  If you’re still working your way into greens, I think this is a great application to try, as the greens flavor will not overwhelm or distract from the filling.

In terms of my original goal – to do something a bit different with the last of this leftover – I’d say it was definitely a win.  I enjoyed this new dish in terms of both flavor and presentation.

I’m going to continue to experiment with this technique as I move forward – different types of greens, cooked and raw, various types of leftovers (and, occasionally, more intentional fillers).  By the way, in case you didn’t think of this yet, this is a way to reduce calories, too – I’m sure I saved at least 200 calories by not adding bread to this meal (which was already starch heavy, anyway.  I encourage you to try it, too!

Your Turn:  Do you like greens?  How to you currently eat them?  Are you open to trying them as a “wrap” sometime soon?  If so, I hope you’ll share with the Turkey Roost! 

This is not the post you are expecting to read after today’s doctor visits.  That post, the one in which I compare and contrast the results of my two most recent blood tests, will come a bit later.  Partly because I need to work on organizing the data into a nice, readable table that can be easily updated to show my progress over time.  But also because I wanted to share about a different, interesting experience that occurred on my way home from the doctor’s office.

Every time I go to or from my doctor’s office, I drive by a McDonald’s – not to mention, now that I think about it, a Chick-Fil-A, a Checkers, a Diary Queen, and a Krystal!  Talk about running the gauntlet!  (My previous doctor was located across the street from a Dunkin’ Donuts…one must ask, what evil did I commit against a whole grain in a previous life, to have stacked the deck so high against me this time around?!?)

Today I drove right by that ’ on my way home, without even a “twinge.”  Even thought it was nearly 1:00 pm and I hadn’t eaten yet due to the requirement to fast before my blood work.

It’s funny, and pretty unusual, to feel the lack of something.  But I felt the lack of that “twinge” pretty strongly.  It surprised me, because I have a long history of not only eating fast food in the car, but of rationalizing my decision to do so.  Although I sometimes drove directly to the fast food joints with the intention (and anticipation) of eating a favorite unhealthy meal, many times I also ate there in a fit of desperation.  And I don’t mean just the desperation of dieting and deprivation – although I’ve felt that too - but here I’m talking about that feeling of having burned my last calorie, jonezing for something to eat because my blood sugar is dropping, my head is tarting to pound, I’m starting to get dizzy and or grouchy or whatever.

I would argue that these are relatively rational, legitimate reasons to want to grab the first, most convenient food item around.  Even “regular” people (non-disordered eaters, if any such things exist) sometimes let their hunger go so long that they get desperate to eat.  And all types of eaters are doing the right thing when they respond to their body’s need for nourishment.

What struck me today, though, was a memory of the ways I used to rationalize my “need” to go through McDonald’s.  Using those extreme hunger pangs, or my need to get to the next place, or to otherwise stay on schedule, etc….to tell myself that getting my “meal” or “snack” from Mickey D’s was a perfectly acceptable solution.  Or, at the very least, a perfectly justifiable one considering the dire situation staring me in the face.

Today, instead, I drove right past that McDonald’s without even a thought (except the germ of this post).  I had no idea what exactly I intended to eat when I got home.  I had no reassurances that a phone call or traffic jam or other unforeseen incident wouldn’t keep me from getting my hungry self home in time to eat the meal I needed.  But, I knew that what I needed to eat – my plant-strong, whole-foods, low-oil, low-sugar, low-soy selections – were at home, not at that drive-through.  And I knew that’s what I WANTED to eat, even though it was a few more minutes away.

What made the difference  today, I wondered?

What I think is the difference is intention.  Another way to describe intention, in this case, is the advance decision.  See, I made a decision on June 2nd (25 days ago!) that I was going to eat this way.  As shocking to me as it is to those who know me, I haven’t wavered from that decision (*yet – see caveat at the end of this post).

Since the decision had already been made on June 2nd, there wasn’t really any other  decision to be made as I passed that McDonald’s.  At least not on this day. It was, today, simply another building that I drove past on my way home.

Anyone who is has committed to a significant other, to God, to a goal, or a cause, or a creature - you know what I mean.   We can’t usually separate ourselves from things that would tempt us from our commitment, at least not completely.  There will be always be handsome men and pretty women walking around; there will often be opportunities to cheat or lie or take advantage; there will be times we want to procrastinate or take a day off or cheat…But, on a good day, we find ourselves blinded to those temptations and able to drive right by.

I’m happy for the good days I get!  Aren’t you?  It’s not a perfect science or a lifelong guarantee…but, I think we get them because we took the leap of faith that is intention, the decision made in advance.

*So here’s the caveat.  It occurred to me, as I drove by those Golden Arches, that I’ve felt this way during the early stages of other attempts at dieting, too.  This scares me a little, especially since I’m putting all of this OUT THERE via this crazy new-fangled thing called the interwebs.  I would like to think that my current state of plant-strong contentment  “feels different” and therefore “is different.”   But, alas, I fear I must also face reality – Day 25 is impressive, but mere mili-mili-miligrams forward on the journey I hope to travel.  (The writers of the Big Bang Theory know the real name for that unit of measure, but I do not.)  I intend to keep track of the milestones that have tripped me up in the past.  What I remember about my most recent Weight Watchers experience is that I rocked it for about two months with no problem, then I waffled on and off for a few months (still trying but losing effectiveness), and then pretty much bailed on the plan (whether I admitted that to myself or not).  That’s not a good enough reason to get scared and quit, nor to predict certain doom and failure.  Instead, my plan is to watch, celebrate, and reflect on each of my upcoming Month-iversaries with this is mind.  And, as always, I’ll keep ya’ posted!